I recently had the opportunity to visit a school on a tour for prospective parents. As an admissions consultant, I sometimes tour schools privately, but on this occasions I was in a broader group. What transpired wasn’t uncommon, but nonetheless it was so troublesome that I felt it warranted further discussion . . .

So many parents feel that a school tour or open house is an opportunity to make an impression on the admissions officer. It’s not. More often than not, the parents who inauthentically try to make an impression end up annoying the admissions officers, the other people in the group, and anyone else involved. On my recent, one particular couple was loud and obnoxious and talked so much that they sucked up the air in the room. They asked ridiculous questions, obvious questions, and too many questions. Even though the admissions person bantered back and forth, she most likely was cringing on the inside and making a note of these off-putting parents. 

I’ve seen this happen many times, and I’ve experienced this first-hand while giving tours as an admissions officer. General rule of admissions: if a family is obnoxious or high maintenance during the tour, they will be headaches at the school. No one wants that. 

By the same token, some parents don’t intend to be unpleasant. They have legitimate questions, but they might be anxious and don’t realize how they’re coming across. To help provide some context and comfort for these situations, here are some guidelines for your next school tour or visit.

Do . . .

• Be polite and nice to every single person at the school. This should be obvious, but it’s unbelievable how many parents (and sometimes kids) are rude to administrative and custodial staff at schools during tours. We know many anecdotes where a child would have gained acceptance but was denied because a mother or father was rude to a front desk receptionist or parking attendant. Also, keep in mind that a school is not just accepting a student, but also his or her parents. They are building communities. No admissions officer wants to bring difficult, rude, or entitled people into that environment.

• Be on your best behavior from the moment you step on the campus to the moment you leave; you never know who is walking by. A school can feel like a second family to many of the employees. If someone notices a tour participant being rude or doing something untoward, that information goes straight to the Admissions Office.

• Connect with your gut about the school. Did you get a good vibe about the students, the campus, the teachers, and administrators? Often it’s not about the minutes of math instruction or college admission stats that makes one school a better fit for a child, but rather it’s about the feel of the campus and the energy of students. If you had a genuine connection with your tour guide, send him or her a thank you email.

Don’t . . .

• Don’t try to make an impression on the admissions officers. That typically backfires. Too often, some people on tours try to ask a “smart” question, or stand out, or be unique. They are indeed being memorable, but not in a good way. They come across as needy, high maintenance, or disruptive. 

• Don’t ask questions about masking, COVID-19 protocols, etc. Many of these rules likely will change by the time your child enters school.

• Don’t leave early. Plan accordingly and allow for enough time to finish the tour.

• Get of your phone. Unless it is truly urgent and you need to save someone’s life, don’t even turn your phone on. And if you are indeed someone who might get paged, please let the tour guide know that you may be expecting a call and why. 

• Don’t ask questions to random students, particularly the younger ones. 

• Don’t try to make jokes. You might be very funny, but you don’t know the admissions officer’s sense of humor and how he or she might react.

• Don’t talk about politics or potentially combative issues. You’d be surprised, I’ve seen this happen and it can be very awkward.

Now, I don’t want to make the tours sound militant or repressive – they can be very informative and fun! You don’t have to be silent; if you have a genuine inquiry or a truly relevant comment, it’s great to contribute to the experience. Ultimately, it’s an opportunity to see the campus and feel the vibe of the school. It’s not, however, the time to make an “impression” or “connect” with the administration.

The most important thing to remember in this entire process is that you are trying to find the best fit for your child and for your family. Try to look through the lens of your child, and know that it’s totally fine if you don’t like or connect with a school. Every family and every educational journey is different. Remove the competitive aspect from the tour, and just try your best to relax and enjoy the school visit!